I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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