But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
