I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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