he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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