I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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