can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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