I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
