im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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