Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
