My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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