4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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