i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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