Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
