Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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