I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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