I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
