people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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