We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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