I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
