kristin has been a bad kristin
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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