I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
