I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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