mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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