FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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