Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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