His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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