If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
