those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
