She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
