he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
