You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
