too bad you live with your parents still
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
