I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
