Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
