I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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