We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
