I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
