I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
