If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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