I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
