if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
