hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
