I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
