If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
