sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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