He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
