I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
