Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
