Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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