Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
