I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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