i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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